Why talk about negative motivation?
In my work I use positive psychology to keep my clients successful on their health journey and I leave negative motivation out.
Many other coaches like to promote negative motivation. I will explain where negative motivation comes from and why its only a small part of the way that I work.
I also would like to express empathy for people who like to promote fat or health shaming as a way to combat the health epidemic we are seeing today in the west.
Lastly I would like to show positivity can work to get you to your own health goals.
Is positive psychology a “pie in the sky” method that doesn’t work.
Positive psychology is a science that studies well being. Previously before positive psychology began being studied, the entire field of psychology focused on the diagnoses and treatment of mental disease.
This left a big hole and misunderstanding of the well state of our mental health. By studying this aspect we were able to appreciate the well state of humans and how to promote more health.
What negativity bias is and how it helps
Negative motivation (health shaming) appeals the human trait of negativity bias. Negativity bias helps us survive and this is how that works.
Humans evolved to see threats quickly. Those humans who did not see or saw threats to slowly don’t have any descendants living today.
Today our sense is highly tuned but it must be harnessed correctly because modernity has much fewer dangers.
Myths of what people think coaches do.
I’m a health coach so you might be thinking that I fat shame people for a living.
You think it’s my job to tell people that their physical appearance is a sign that the need to get in shape.
As a coach I acknowledge your perceived threats respectfully. However we wont dwell on the negative. I will encourage you to think of what could be and and not what you don’t currently like about it.
Empathy for negative motivators.
As a lifetime athlete I am well aware of the emphasis that coaches often use to motivate those they are coaching. I truly believe that coaches feel pressured to use this power to help people get healthy.
Misunderstandings begin with bad observations
Coaches may stick to negative motivation because they get results. As I explained above the negative motivations are already in all of us. Therefore evolution or the “survival instinct” and not the coach is the real reason for the results.
Why negative motivation continues in coaching.
Negative motivation in coaching stems from a need for coaches to help people. Once a coach learns that positive motivation works best then it is up to them to learn the ways it is done as I have.
Is there a better way to harness negativity.
As I said before people don’t need motivation to find their flaws. We all constantly have that negative voice in our heads.
Knowing this, shaming others should logically seem like a complete waste of time.
In this case logic does not control this reflex. Negativity bias is part of our primitive brain which acts without our conscience.
As a coach I strive to control my primal motivation and keep my clients on the positive side. This way we can constructively go towards goals rather than being stuck complaining about the past.
Is it shameful that fat shaming exists.
Fate shaming exists in all of us. If we are honest, we are our own worst critic. This is partly why people think its a good tool to help people who are sick.
One way to help us treat others better is by practicing mindfulness to be on better control of our thoughts. Another way is working on our communication skills.
Health shaming: What you meant to say.
I think you may not realize it and if you did I’m sorry but you don’t look healthy. I need you because your my people. Will you please consider giving me a sign that you’ll get better.
Health shaming: What better language does.
Better language uses clear language of what your really observing.
The fact is you don’t know what a sick person is feeling.
They might be putting on a brave face. They might be trying to get healthy. They might have gotten some bad advice.
As a coach I have heard it all and my approach is to listen to what people say and not to judge it.
Health shaming: What better language helps you feel.
Expressing yourself starting with a clear observation helps you to connect it better with feelings, needs and what you want.
Health shaming: Using Better feeling language.
Most feelings that people use are not very good feeling words and actually express more judgments and strategies than whats really inside of you.
The easiest feeling we all know how to identify is angry. This is again because of our negativity bias.
But angry is the tip of the feeling iceberg.
Getting acquainted with a vast variety of feeling words cam help you better express what’s really inside of you.
Health shaming: Needs help us identify more feelings.
The easiest need to think about is need for tribe.
For example when we fat shame we might be thinking more about the need to have your tribe secured from disease.
Telling someone to do a healthy activity is expressing the strategy you would like the person to perform. Hopefully its clear that its much better for you to express your true feelings clearly.
Expressing your true feelings can better motivate someone to find their own strategy, fulfilling their own needs along the way as well as yours eventually.
My Feelings and my strategies
I see that many people may be confused as to how to implement a healthier lifestyle so that they can attain their level of health.
I request that is you are contemplating or currently struggling through issues on your health journey to consider hiring me as your coach.
Coaching sessions can be held in person, over the phone or via online video.
Call (909) 238-8478 to set up a time to talk. The first session lasts 90 minutes. I will explain what coaching is and give you a chance to have all your questions answered. In the end I will ask if you think you are ready for coaching and if you decided you are not then the session is free. Coaching rates are on a sliding scale. Use this link to sign up online. Book Your coaching session